Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
