Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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