i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
