i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
