my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
