Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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