well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
