We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
