i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
