My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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