The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
