Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
