And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
