Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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