Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
