you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
