I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
