Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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