Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
