saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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