i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
