Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
