I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
