I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
