fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
