do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
