maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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