in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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