Don't you send me to vm
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
