so that wasnt chicken after all
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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