Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
