Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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