I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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