I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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