Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
