it was like his penis was on wheels.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
