So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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