She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
