I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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