This is not my ceiling
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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