Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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