An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
