bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
