I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
