Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
