I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wear drunk well.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
