No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
