i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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