wanna go halves on a baby?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
