You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
