Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
