Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
