I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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