it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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