i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
