I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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