I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
