so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
