Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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