Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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