TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
