I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
