I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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