After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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