what day is it and did you see me today?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize