OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
