i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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