I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
