please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
