Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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