her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have already put on my inside pants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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