Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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