i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
