I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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