Whod you bang
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
