I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
