Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
