3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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