worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
