I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
